Tuesday, February 15, 2011

my immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone..


These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me


You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me


These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


This is my favourite song..touching and dig deep inside you.
But i'm not the right person to interpret the lyric content.


1.Interpret #1
Perhaps some people read a death theme into the lyrics because of the loss of Amy's sister, and mistakenly believing that Amy wrote it. However, feeling the presence of a loved one after death usually brings comfort, not a wish that they'd go away and leave you alone. Nor would death be a reason to resent having been alone "all along." Death generally results in temporary anger over them having left AFTER they die.
Regardless as to what the original intent of an author is, quite often they will later read something they've written and realize that their subconscious has added multiple levels of meaning to their work. Most artists are aware of the possibilities, no, probabilities of this occurring.
To me, this song could be about a lover, a friend, a parent, a child, a grandparent...or any other person that is loved but takes or even destroys in return. This story is kind of told in reverse, beginning with her/his feelings and then giving us clues as to "why."
Most importantly, it seems to be more about losing one's own sense of identity and self-worth due to the loss and/or betrayal of a loved one than about the actual loss of the loved one--in fact, the desire is that the loved one just go away (taking all the painful love and memories with them.)


"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears"
-She (or he) is emotionally drained and paralyzed by fear--by the end of the lyrics, I'd probably define the fears in terms of the psychological state known as "learned helplessness"


"And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone"
-She is constantly tormented by memories he left behind.


"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"
-He hurt or betrayed her in a way that she can never forget or recover from the emotional damage.


"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me"
-Out of love, she sacrificed her life to his well-being and in return, he took her life with him (emotionally/metaphorically) when he left.


"You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind"
-She has and always will be imprisoned by him: First it was willingly out of love (captivated by his light); but now she is entrapped by despair (bound by loss and lies)


"Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams"
-A face she loved (trusted) has incomprehensibley become the face of her tormentor. A dream morphing into a nightmare.


"Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me"
-His words before leaving callously revealed the truth; his deceptions, her delusions, and destroyed her sense of reality.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along"
-She is struggling with the reality that she was all alone in her love when he was with her...and ironically, now that he's left her, she isn't alone: He torments her with the memories of his betrayal (perhaps complicated by her genuine love for who she thought he was.)


2.Interpret #2
 "I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone"
-This is the pain of watching someone you love die and not be able to do anything about it. Being afraid of losing them, of the pain that comes from losing someone. Watching someone hang on when physically they are there but mentally they are gone.


"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"
-Expression of human suffering when someone you love dies.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears


When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me"
-She was there for this person, through the pain, the suffereing the fear. She has been there always and even though this person will be gone soon, they still have her whole heart.


"You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me"
-Again, this is the mentality of someone watching the one they love die. All she can think about is the times that he was well. She is feeling resentment for still hanging onto these memories. She is feeling angry and sad because she can't let go of the past.


"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along"
-She is trying to convince herself to let go because she knows that he cannot be with her in any way. And she has felt the burden all alone in this. She wants to let go before he dies but she can't.


This song is raw emotion about watching someone you love die and not be able to do anything about it. It's feeling sadness, resentment, anger and fear all at the same time.


3.Interpret #3
It's NOT about Bonnie, Ben wrote it around a short story. I think it's about the one love we all had as kids... where you spent every minute thinking about them, and when it was over, you realize how foolish it was, but for some reason you never forget them, and wonder why, a year later, you still remember everything they said and did. You know you're over them, but that time has become a part of your life that will affect you in some way (I've tried so hard to tell myelf that you're gone, but though you're still with me...), you know that what you felt was still never quite what you wanted (I've been alone all along.)


4.Interpret #4
I honestly think that it's about someone that a person has devoted their whole life to loving and cherishing. No matter what, this person was there for them and no matter the circumstance they always provided for them. And by some cruel strike of fate's marriage to tragedy that steals that person from them. They have probably grieved until they felt like they could finally let it all go into the grounds with what's left of the 'relationship' there was, but no matter what, they'll never be rid of them completely. The long walks and talks at midnight....summer days....beaches...feelings....MEMORIES.
Those are the things you just can't get rid of.
5.Interpret #5
I feel this song is about an idea & expectation of what a relationship is supposed to be & their disappointment in that idea not being fulfilled by the other person. It's about a person who was once in what they believed was a good relationship & then the person left by choice after a turbulent time(a lover, but more likely a parent who abandoned them as a child or was neglectful) & the scars it leaves when the person abandons the other.
-"suppressed by all my childish fears"


The abandoned person is trying to move on from the pain & memories, but feels frustrated, stunted, and stuck in the pain the relationship created for them.
-"I'm so tired of being here" "suppressed"


The person is no longer with them physically (they were eventually left or abandoned by choice), but the pain is still there mentally & the person feels angry/frustrated about it & wants to move on.
-"and if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave"


The person may be talking to both to that person who left them, but also to their own self post-abandonment; & pain they feel inside & their anger & frustration about their inability to escape from it no matter how hard they try or how much they try to comfort their own self. Now is the transition where they talk both about the relationship(how they tried to help & how much of themselves they gave to the abandoner), but also they are talking to the pain and destruction the abandonment caused in its wake (and now how they are trying to comfort their own self after the relationship ended & reclaim their life back, but its not working & the person/pain still has a hold of them).
-"your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone" "these wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time can not erase"
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you(the pain) still have
All of me"
-The relationship used to be a positive force in songwriter's life & they used to be at peace (or so they think).
"You used to captivate me
By your resonating light" "my once pleasant dreams"


But since the person left them they feel only pain at the thought of them & the pain they are now stuck with or bound to.
-"Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me"


The person is trying so hard to get over the pain, but has now realized the relationship was not as good or positive as they originally believed & that the other person was never really there for them (they were neglectful from the very beginning even before the abandonment); the only thing left from the relationship is the pain it caused, but never actually the person. In fact, the pain is the only thing that was really there.
-"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone (the person)
But though you're still with me (the pain)
I've been alone all along"


The pain is the immortal.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

lonesome


''Solitude is painful when one is young,but delightful when one is more mature'-Albert Eistein

 Tonight I can't sleep..so its good  to write anything to  lift some issue inside me.


In year 2011..hope life getting better..just work with a flow.People come and go most of the time.I don't give a damn if all my those rambling post is nothing and surely will be the only me who;s read it.
I had attended some trip and most of my working days are filled with the meeting,discussion,seminar,gosh so exhaused of attend the meeting.Mind my language but i'm not the best,the brightest,the prettiest of all.Needless to say I have nothing to be proud of.With a tough days and two kids in my hand,life go on.
Most of my time,i'm pack with my daily routine,but then deep inside my heart,there's an empty space that can never be filled.There are some place inside me that can never be replace..
"Where have all the good men gone And where are all
the gods? Where´s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds? Isn´t there a
white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night
toss and turn and dream of what I need
 I need a hero I´m holding out for
a hero ´til the end of the night
He´s gotta be strong And he´s gotta be fast And
he´s gotta be fresh from the fight I need a
hero I´m holding out for a hero ´til
the morning light He´s gotta be sure And
it´s gotta be soon And he´s gotta be
larger than life
Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach There´s
someone reaching back for me Racing on the thunder
and rising with the heat It´s gonna take a
superman to sweep me off my feet
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above Out
where the lightning splits the sea I would swear
that there´s someone somewhere Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain And
the storm and the flood I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood..

maybe a hero like this..

 
or someone like him
...Someday feel life can never be complete  without love-
#someone to love and being love by someone.#
This statement would neither earn respect from your friend nor wish people around you to applaud.
This no no wisdom statement would make you either as a stupid woman who then will be labelling 'moron'woman live and die for the man',psycho or the 'fragile  woman on earth'.Then there will be a card to place on your table- 'be strong','love yourself is the most precious' bla,bla...
So most of the woman will ignore these sign of ..try to be strong as the words plastered in their head is - 'nothing smell worse to a man than a desperate woman'..haha..
The  period of longing  for a presence of a knight in shining amour,a hero to find a damsel in distress,and a superman to swept off the feet is like to wish an a genie appear from the old lamp..
Why i'm only 34 but I felt like a hundred years old....With no social life and tired old woman appearance,thats exactly what i felt.
This is not a complaint..but I will be dead with this feeling.
With the fat rose from 40% to 60% to cover my body..thats the bonus. (argh can't you stop complaining and working on it).Yeah,this is my true feeling, and the would never be a surreal feeling than this.
 I know and I am fully aware of the guideliness to lighten up your life:

a.Do the thing you love
b.Fill your day with the support group,club and hobbies
c.Look upon your future,not the past
And many more.
The choice is yours and yours alone.

Don't give a damn.Everynight I went to bed,I dream of living in Europe.haha..nice.We will be together and live happily ever after.(this is the most ridicilious thing I ever posted).keep on dreaming.
There's some incident that I wish would never occured at the first place like encounter  your old boyfren that you've been dumped a years ago.Its just will make life more miserable (i wish you you dead and burn in the hell).For that,don't ever try to undercover in fb just want to know my latest update.I had block you and I have nothing to do with you anymore.Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me.
You are the creature I hate most in my life.To see your face from a far alone can make me nausea.
So please get lost!! 
One thing i'm sure and trust myself  200%  is that once your true love(not 1st love) is gone,there will be never be a subside or amendment can be made.glass only fill half empty.
Don't give a damn.
Most of   my days and my life are good,bless and i had everything that one woman can asked for.
La di da di da....

  Nowadays I am playing this damn good song. You belong to me version by JasonWade over and over..even there's no one belong to me.


See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise from the tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me ...
See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me '''
And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me ...





My very own qoutes line refer to my die alone issue  is:
"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,but to see who cares enough to break them down"