why I hate my job;;

Lately i begun to hate my jobs.Get stress over it,and can't ease my my mind when i'm home.

1.I don't know the rules-the office political.still have to adapt the situation.

2.I don't know the meeting rules-do and don't s-main issue here.
fcuk and fcuk up.There so much rules here.If you honest enough then,get yourself prepare to be condemn and storm out.Don't try to show yourself here.Then sometimes I revealed my non-wise info to the board,of coz when so much stress from the chairman.
If you continue with your info,the chairman will cut you out and you loose your presentation.bullshit.
I hate been in meeting and hate to report coz somehow I will get condemn either.And after the meeting even when I'm home I still can't get over the meeting paranoid in a week.fcuk.Frankly speaking,before join the firm,i had attended sooo many meeting and never been like this before.So much protocol and like one way communication.Never had a meeting paraniod previously.Then,we weremeeting when new project coming or update of the company.It normally take place about 3 or five times a month.But now??a 3 or 4 a week!!
Still..it was me who need to adjust and adapt the new workplace culture.
So much to learn the etiquette and the rules.

3.Because i'm stupid.I think I am not that stupid before join this team but now i begun to question myself.
Am I qualified enough to be here?My self esteem sooner or later will gettting low, lower and dissapear.
I am doing good in my workplace but maybe the lack is the comunication skill.

4.I hate myself when I get condemn and when get critic in meeting.Somehow I will blame myself and confused

5.My ear.Have some problem with the multiple conversation.not clear.need to loud.Or am I a slower person.
I am begun to destroyed my myself here and inside.

Ohh why oh why..so much to adapt and so much they expect me to penetrate their workplace culture.

Now I am getting phobia to attend the meeting.Maybe I shouldn't be here.
I rest my case.
Drive myself crazy thinking of the meeting and gathering

Additional info from my lower point of my life..

Over and Out:
You know your relationship is past its use by date when:

`make excuse for why he can't come over because you'd rather curl up with good movies on Dvd
`feel embarrased,annoyed,insecure or just plain bored in his company
`struggle to find things to talk about over dinner`
`start screening your calls because you just don;t feel like talking to him (I do all the time)
`Find yourself constantly bitching to your girlfriends about him
`Realise that being around him lowers your mood/self esteem/enjoyment of going out
`Discover that the more you get to know him the less you like him
`Spend every waking moment feeling totally insecure about how h feels about you,whether you can trust him and whether you're good enough for him
`Want to change everything about him,from his clothes to the way he slups his coffee
`don't want to come out with your friend if he's coming because he's always say something cringeful and cling to you like pathetic puppy..

Sigh.

then..the feeling...

the confusion

daily...

baik dok kt gua..anti social behaviour

Rasanya aku ni elok dok bermastautin dalam hutan atau gua...

Can be describe as anti social,loveeee my privacy so much,
:asocial and antisocial are often used interchangeably in colloquial speech, but they are not the same thing; asocial means "avoidant of society" while antisocial means "hostile toward society".

1.Unwilling or unable to associate normally with other people
2.antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing
3.Opposed to social order or the principles of society; hostile toward society
I am social season..only during festive season I am social expert...the skills is not to be waste for daily routine.

1.Aku tak suka jawap tepon..tambah lagi num yang aku tak familiar.Kadang-kadang ntah sapa tah  yg try caring pun aku lyn kejap pastu aku dh malas nak jwp tepon dia.Yang aku musykil tu kenapalah bila aku tak jawap tepon dia pulak nak naik angin dengan aku.Marah aku pulak sb tak angkat tepon dan tak layan dia..dh tak pasal2 aku kena dengar nag dia..WTH??.Salah aku juga bagi num hp kt org psiko.Suka hati aku la nak jawap hp ke tak kan?Kadang-kadang (selalunya) aku malas nak jwp tepon,malas nk sembang ntah apa-apa sebab aku byk keja lain atau..aku suka bermalasan sambil tgk Adam Richman atau...Emmanuel Belliveau

2.Aku tak suka jwp msg hp org yang TAK PENTING.Malas aku nk jwp msg berikut:
'sihat?dh mkn?'
Aku selalu ignore jer msg-msg yang aku rasa tak perlu jwb.Dan perangai buruk aku,sekali org tak jwp msg aku aku akan balas dendam dgn tak jwb msg dia sampai aku perlukan dia nanti.

3.Lately aku tak suka nak log in facebook.Dan aku tak suka menwar-warkan aku buat apa kat fb..(ye..ngaku mula-mula dulu obses gak dgn fb tetapi mintak maap skrg ni aku rasa fb patut diharamkan di Malaysia macam kt China.)
Lemas jgk dgn perangai manusia2 di fb yang konon nak tunjuk best.Aduhhhh...hoho aku dah delete akaun aku di fb..fb actually annoying when small thing turn out a disaster.Biarpun kengkawan atau secret admirer tanya (perasan nak mampus) nak add fb..ohoho maaf yer..fb adalah memporakperandakan hidupku dgn tah pape maklumat yg perlu.dan kawan-kawan lama...dulu berlagak kat sekolah dgn kita sebab kita selekeh tetiba jumpa kat fb cam dulu dia best fren.hipokrit,tak ikhlas pun nak kwn.Yg penting takperlu jumpa bf-bf lama yg kita dah



4.Aku tak suka nak bermasyarakat sangat.kaum keluarga tu lain..tp aku tak suka expectation dari org lain.Contoh keluar U mesti keje best.,kete best dan bla..bla..then they look at you,treat you like they did ten years ago..esp from your hometown.Hello,zaman dulu you can mess with me but  if you do now,you better prepare to talk like i never met you.

5.Love my privacy,like to be alone,macam orang gila.Frankly, aku tak suka diganggu bila kt umh.
Believe me when I say-no news is a good news

Selalu kena attend dinner,but..
demi tugas dan tanggungjawap..aku gagahi jua..main problem is..lefthanded would feel awkward on dinner table.setting are design for righthanded.
Ni la masalah orang kidal...nak guna apa benda pun agak susah sebab kebanyakan tool di reka untuk golongan right-handed.Even kerongsang pun aku payah nak guna.

As professor Santiago explains, "a left-handed person has often the feeling of having been born in a wrong world. From scissors to computer keyboards designs, everything is projected for right-handers. The fact that left-handed people are able to adapt quite well to these manual controls that are contrary to their nature, indicates a first interesting fact that it is often overlooked: undoubtedly, there is a difference in motor ability between the dominant and the non-dominant hand, but it is far from being a great difference."

Gratitude..

Alhamdulillah..terlalu banyak yg aku telah nikmati..

1.Kesihatan yang baik dan tubuh yang elok..tiada kecacatan
2.Kejaya dan rezeki yang halal dan bersih..tak perlu nak buat jahat utk mendapatkan rezeki
3.Kemudahan dan kesengan dalam hidup..tak seperti sesetengah wanita- wanita  yg ditindas dan menjadi hamba keluarga mertua dan suami..
4.Kebebasan pemikiran dan kebebasan fizikal..tidak pernah ke penjara atau di kongkong di mana jua..hatta dirumah sendiri ada yg terpenjara oleh keluarga..mungkin sb dh tiada mak ayah..jd tiada expectation
5.Anak-anak yang comel dan sihat pengubat hati..thanks Allah.
6.Diriku adalah diriku jua..bkn sesiapa yg kau ingin aku jadi..inilah kebenaran terhebat dlm pemikiran seseorang insan tetapi masih tertakluk pada keizinan NYA jua...

Thanks for the air that I breath..

The blue sky and the twinkle star when I look up

The loveliness inside me...

The abundance of love and joy in my life..

                           The smile and crying on my lovely daughter expression ..

                                 The rules dos and don'ts surround me...

the trees along the way..

                                and everything I had endured along the path in  my days and life..

Yey...

Kereta ni dh byk jasa pdku..sejak 2007 lagi aku guna...tak byk ragam..

Tapi memandangkan aku kena bg balik pd tuannya..aku kenalah beli keta len utk bergerak..jd aku beli la kereta secondhand yg baru.
Alhamdulillah impian nak memiliki kereta sendiri tercapai juga akhirnya..alhamdulillah..aku bukanlah org yg di lahirkan dlm dulang emas..aku kena bersusah payah utk bina hidup sendiri dan bg aku ini adalah yg membanggakan sebab aku pun perlu tgk komitmen pada anak-anak dan loan lain yg kena di bayar.Dh lama ni barulah dpt tmbh loan kereta sendiri pulak..


Walaupun kereta ku tu secondhand jer..bkn Audi Q5 mcm  yang Awal hadiahkan pd Scha tetapi lubang hidungku tetap kembang jgk sb menggunakan duit sendiri dan di atas nama sendiri.Puas hati...

Ni la kereta idamanku..yg biasa-biasa jer..Gen2 color Grey..

Sebab aku suka kereta ni kerana ianya sporty dan bontot pendek jer.
Aku tak suke keta bontot panjang sb aku teramat lemah bab parking ni...tambah lg bila nak reverse menreverse.
Pernah sekali langgar keta Kancil masa reverse waktu parking..huh siap lelaki  tu mengamuk nak amik parang padahal keta takder effect apapun sb aku reverse slow jek.
Tp sebab panas baran dia tahap gaban,dia siap nak parangkan aku.Peristiwa tu berlaku kat kawasan taman perumahan.
Aku dengan baik hatinya offer nak tanggung kos kancil tu mana yang kemek (hakikatnya takder apapun yg kemek dan rosak) tapi dia dah marah-marah..mau dekat sejam jgk aku pujuk dia.Slow talk dan kalau dia nak claim insuran aku dgn rela hati nak pi buat report polis..rupanya dengar perkataan 'balai polis'  lagi la dia mengamuk... sebab penah kena warning dengan polis dulu sebab kes pukul org..haha..
Terkeluar tajuk pulak ni....
wahai kereta baru ku..semoga tak byk ragam..dan senang maintain.

bad day

Today is like kind of bad day..I suppose to give a speech for a closing ceremony and they asked in last minute anyway.I hadn;t prepared though..there you go..what a speech i had murmured.Then came along with a stupid story of a cracked pot.Have heard that story?F..F..F#@^..
Feeling so down after that speech,i'm not at my best.
Don;t know bout the reaction but itsn't a clear story to be told to.Geezzz...

It's been a poison to my confident level and feel so stupid..
I'm a kind of nervous disorder in public speaking and why should I apply a job that require so much dealing with the function anyway?
That's have been a day i'm need to launch a program..sigh..not a credit though.

La di da di da...