why I hate my job;;

Lately i begun to hate my jobs.Get stress over it,and can't ease my my mind when i'm home.

1.I don't know the rules-the office political.still have to adapt the situation.

2.I don't know the meeting rules-do and don't s-main issue here.
fcuk and fcuk up.There so much rules here.If you honest enough then,get yourself prepare to be condemn and storm out.Don't try to show yourself here.Then sometimes I revealed my non-wise info to the board,of coz when so much stress from the chairman.
If you continue with your info,the chairman will cut you out and you loose your presentation.bullshit.
I hate been in meeting and hate to report coz somehow I will get condemn either.And after the meeting even when I'm home I still can't get over the meeting paranoid in a week.fcuk.Frankly speaking,before join the firm,i had attended sooo many meeting and never been like this before.So much protocol and like one way communication.Never had a meeting paraniod previously.Then,we weremeeting when new project coming or update of the company.It normally take place about 3 or five times a month.But now??a 3 or 4 a week!!
Still..it was me who need to adjust and adapt the new workplace culture.
So much to learn the etiquette and the rules.

3.Because i'm stupid.I think I am not that stupid before join this team but now i begun to question myself.
Am I qualified enough to be here?My self esteem sooner or later will gettting low, lower and dissapear.
I am doing good in my workplace but maybe the lack is the comunication skill.

4.I hate myself when I get condemn and when get critic in meeting.Somehow I will blame myself and confused

5.My ear.Have some problem with the multiple conversation.not clear.need to loud.Or am I a slower person.
I am begun to destroyed my myself here and inside.

Ohh why oh why..so much to adapt and so much they expect me to penetrate their workplace culture.

Now I am getting phobia to attend the meeting.Maybe I shouldn't be here.
I rest my case.
Drive myself crazy thinking of the meeting and gathering

Additional info from my lower point of my life..

Over and Out:
You know your relationship is past its use by date when:

`make excuse for why he can't come over because you'd rather curl up with good movies on Dvd
`feel embarrased,annoyed,insecure or just plain bored in his company
`struggle to find things to talk about over dinner`
`start screening your calls because you just don;t feel like talking to him (I do all the time)
`Find yourself constantly bitching to your girlfriends about him
`Realise that being around him lowers your mood/self esteem/enjoyment of going out
`Discover that the more you get to know him the less you like him
`Spend every waking moment feeling totally insecure about how h feels about you,whether you can trust him and whether you're good enough for him
`Want to change everything about him,from his clothes to the way he slups his coffee
`don't want to come out with your friend if he's coming because he's always say something cringeful and cling to you like pathetic puppy..

Sigh.

then..the feeling...

the confusion

daily...